Male To Female (MTF)

Probably the form of transgender individuals most often thought of and seen in the media, but there are believed to be just as many male to female as there are female to male transgender individuals

Usually referred to as trans-women, trans women or transgender women, these terms are preferred to the out-dated transsexual women as being more inclusive of all levels of identity and preference for presentation which depends on their level of dysphoria.

It is important to understand that just as many cisgender individuals do not conform to the presentational norms of their gender - think of tomboys, or effeminate men - the same is true of transgender individuals whether they be MTF or FTM and there is no right way to present yourself if you identify as MTF.  The rest of this page consists of short personal histories from those who have identified this way.

Andrea's Story

I started to cross-dress at about the age of seven "borrowing" some of my mother's clothes and wearing them when I was alone in the house.  This gave me an intense feeling of satisfaction and I would often keep some of the items hidden in my room.  As inevitably happened I was found one day the feeling of shame from my mother blaming herself made me get rid of everything and determine never ever to do it again - it lasted perhaps a year or so and then I would again borrow some more items but be more careful about when I wore it.  At this time - the 1960s and 70s - transgender was not understood at all and when it was talked about it was always a perversion and wrong, dirty and disgusting.  Over the next few years I went through periods of cross-dressing and then throwing everything away being disgusted with myself until I eventually moved away to my own house.  This was a period of intense loneliness - I couldn't get a girlfriend, yet all my closest friends were girls and eventually the desperation became so great that I couldn't take it any longer and determined to end everything, even making plans for how to do it.  Fortunately one of the women that  was a close friend realised that something was wrong and after a long series of talks I became convinced that perhaps I should carry on.  At the same time I resumed my cross-dressing activities, this time buying my own clothes so they fitted better and even started experimenting with makeup and wigs.  I started travelling to "safe" places where I could present as a woman - it felt so much better and I was happier than ever before.  I started wearing female underwear under my work clothes so that I could keep that femininity close to me all the time. 

I didn't make the connection between my depression and gender dysphoria at that time, that came later but it was a major contributory factor.  As it was I became aware that maybe I should consider transitioning, it was the 1990s by this time and trans was not such a misunderstood subject as before.  But then came a major change in my life and I married my wife.  I shan't talk too much about this time, but she was aware of my dressing and was supportive to a degree but during this time I did not have the need to dress as we were so close she provided that female aspect I needed - but it never went away.

When she died a few years ago I headed back into that depressive state and a medical happening almost a year afterwards forced me to think about myself instead of dwelling on the past and after a number of false starts I tried on some clothes that I had accumulated "just to see if they still fitted" (told you it hadn't gone away) and it was like a flash bulb had gone off.  So I decided to try it out for a while and everything felt fantastic, I felt like the person I knew I always was.  So I decided that I would try living full-time as a woman and I have done that now for well over a year with absolutely no regrets.  I look after myself, I enjoy clothes and shopping for them - I had never liked shopping before - I enjoy wearing makeup and have been told I am quite good at it now, but over and above all of these factors I now feel like I am me.  I am also determined that my transition will end when I have made my body to match as close as possible to that of the woman I feel I should have been.  And finally, I am my own person and living the life that I want to and that I feel is right and anyone that has a problem with that is the one with the problem, not me.

If anyone would like to add their story to this page please contact me - you do not need to identify yourself